Horst Heldt is putting on a big press conference today. Demba Ba is not going to be the replacement for Mario Gomez. However, since he can't possibly stay at Hoffenheim after what's he pulled off, we did snap him up for the $3 million he's worth, and he won't get a cent more than in Hoffenheim, so he learns his lesson.
The real replacement for Mario Gomez is Klaas Jan Huntelaar. After Real Madrid bought Ronaldo and Karim Benzema, there's no room for him there to play Champions League, so Stuttgart was just the right fit. Together with Cacau or Ba, he'll make a great offense.
Just as the presentation is about to wind down, Heldt announces he's got another player hired, and they might just as well show him now. He scoots an extra chair in, somewhere in the middle, and ought walks Rafael van der Vaart. With Kaka in Madrid now, he wasn't going to play any more than last year, and he wants to go to the world cup, too.
Coach Babbel turns to Horst Heldt, saying "How are we going to pay for all of this?" The manager replies, "I suppose you can say a team is expected to do well when a potential sponsor will buy out an existing one." He proceeds to reveal, "there's a guy from the Mannheim area that has been able to start a pretty successful company..."
Ba: "You have got to be kidding me!"
Heldt: "...together with someone from Bad Cannstatt, and so I'm proud to reveal our new lead sponsor: Mercedes-Benz."
Huntelaar and van der Vaart take off their blazers revealing the new jersey. No, there's no more ugly brown version of it available.
The presentation ends with "Ein Stern, der ueber Stuttgart steht..."
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