My friendly neighborhood global bank sent me another credit card upgrade the other day. Sometime in January, if I recall, to be precise (I'm sure I just forgot to activate it all along). But wait, it's not just any new credit card. It's a Visa Signature card. It even has a shiny new number, breaking all of the web sites where I had entered my old credit card number (such as certain monthly payments...). Yet, who would be displeased when the new card offers so many tremendous benefits? It is "perfect for value-conscious, financially responsible Customers like yourself" (I'd buy that one from just about anyone but the company who sends me my credit card statement each month).
Surely enough, I immediately started to "experience an unparalleled level of service," as promised. For instance, when I walked into Wal-mart, even before I had bought a thing, there was a friendly old man at the entrance who greeted me very kindly. He even gave my children yellow stickers - two apiece. Do you get that with the credit card you carry?
Also, this is not one of those credit cards you would only use when you don't have any cash with you. BofA declared that they "fully expect [me] to make [my] new card [my] card of choice for everything - from everyday purchases to travel around the globe." I no longer have to put any green down at McDonald's. Now I can charge everything! I want to see those paupers with their dinky wannabe credit cards do that! And I get to travel around the globe, too. Do I get to take the wife and the kids?
But wait, there's more. This card will cause people to treat you with the "respect offered by a superior credit card product." You can see me walk taller already. The other day, I was buying this really expensive jewelry for my wife, and the cashier looked at me with that look of, "can you really afford that?" Then, I pulled out the new Signature Visa, kind of like Jerry Seinfeld in those commericals with the gas pump, when he fills it up to exactly $10.00, and then adds just a little bit extra because he doesn't need an exact amount with his fancy plastic. Anyhow, I slowly eased it out of my wallet (I ought to get a better, newer wallet for it). The poor cashier took one look at it before she sank to the floor. Just amazing.
Oh, the joy of respect wherever you go. No, you can't have one. It's very special, not for just anyone. We are an elite circle. Now please excuse me, I need to update my Amazon payment methods.
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BTW, Ly, I'm sorry - the part about the jewelry was a factual inaccuracy.
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